saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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