My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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