I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize