I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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