Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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