I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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