I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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