Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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