So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize