The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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