Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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