70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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