she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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