Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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