Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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