They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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