Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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