As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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