it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
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Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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