Nicole vs. Life
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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