I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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