Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize