I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My ass is underappreciated
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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