You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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