I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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