I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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