I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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