I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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