My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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