Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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