after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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