Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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