I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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