so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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