forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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