Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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