I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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