I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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