Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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