And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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