I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize