I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh god it's open bar.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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