I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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