How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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