all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
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I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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