Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize