someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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