we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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