You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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