listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize